IT IS UNKIND NOT TO ASK FOR HELP

West Coast of Vancouver Island. Photo by me.

UNBOXED April 18, 2021

Kindness is a value in human relationships. We take it for granted that it’s always been so. But what does it mean to be kind, especially now, during a time when it seems to be slipping away. I recently read a book that expanded my understanding of what it means to be kind. .

I hope you’ll read on. Regards, Dale

Tsawalk: A Nu-chah-nulth Worldview is a book published in 2004 by E. Richard Atleo.

First, a little background:

The indigenous people who have historically lived on the west coast of mid-Vancouver Island are a community of 14 first nations collectively known as Nu-chah-nulth, meaning all along the mountains and sea.

E. Richard Atleo, whose Nu-chah-nulth name is Umeek, is a hereditary chief of the Ahousaht first nation located on the west coast of Vancouver Island north of Tofino. According to his biography on the UBC faculty of Education website Umeek is the creator of the first nations studies department at Vancouver Island University, and has served as co-chair of the internationally recognised Scientific Panel for Sustainable Forest Practises in Clayoquot Sound on Vancouver Island.

By retelling and analysing the Nu-chah-nulth origin stories, Umeek demonstrates how Tsawalk reveals a view of reality and human existence. He believes this indigenous view both complements and expands the the dominant euro-american evidence-based, scientific worldview.

Tsawalk, meaning one is, for Umeek the foundation of this indigenous spiritual worldview. He explains that the essential nature of existence is Tsewalk, an integrated and orderly whole which recognises the intrinsic symbiotic relationship between the physical and spiritual.

The reason I told you all that is because I read something in Tsawalk that made me sit up and take note.

As his narrative unfolds, Umeek says something about the nature of Nu-chah-nulth community relationships that bends the mind of someone (like me for instance) with eurocentric assumptions about the the nature of social organization:

…community is a natural phenomenon … Interdependence is taken for granted. A specific Nu-chah-nulth teaching associated with the idea of community is that if one doesn’t ask for help when help is needed then one is not friendly, one is not kind. Among Nu-chah-nulth a very strong teaching is the admonition to be kind. One of the strongest criticisms of another person’s character is to say ‘that person is not kind.’ Consequently, a person in need is taught and encouraged to depend upon neighbours, and this interdependence is considered one of the strengths of a traditional Nu-chah-nulth community.

Umeek explains that refusing to ask for help when one is in need is unkind, because self-reliance breaks the bond of interdependence, which is central to human life and well-being.

What a revolutionary idea.

For most of us, immersed as we are in the values of self-reliance as the supreme value, asking for help is to admit weakness, maybe even a shameful failure of the will.

We’re burdened by being afraid of being a burden or worse, seen as needy. We believe that needing help puts me at a disadvantage. Unless we can repay a kindness it is difficult to accept it from someone else. Our relationships become transactional, not interdependent.

Do you feel you are being kind to your neighbour, friend or relative when you ask them for help?

The irony is that science, neurobiology to be precise – is revealing that evolution has molded our essential natures into beings that must connect, and a supportive community is a crucial ingredient for growth, healing and well-being.

Interdependence is the primary ingredient of the survival of human life. But we’re breaking the bonds of community – not just between ourselves, but in our relationship with the the earth.

As much as we might want to pretend otherwise, we are relational at the very core of our nature. As Umeek says, human community is a natural phenomenon, and our happiness, our survival, depends on other people. We are inherently interdependent.

Our world is Tswalk: one.